All Sermons

Sex as God Intended By Wayne Mack

Multitudes of couples are not finding fulfillment in the sexual area of their marriage.
Multitudes of couples find that sex is a source of irritation, a source of argument, rather than a source of satisfaction.
And so we find many husbands seeking satisfaction through relations with women who are not their wives.
It's been estimated that more than 50% of the husbands in America at one time or another have unfaithful relationships with women who are not their wives.
And many times this is true because the husbands are not finding fulfillment or satisfaction in their sexual relations with their wives.
And we also find in our day young people being told to do some experimenting before they get married.
Now they're told that maybe it won't work out. Maybe you won't be sexually compatible.
And the time to find that out is before you're married and not after you're married.
And so experiment a little while until you find someone with whom you are sexually compatible.
Now actually many sexual problems in marriage are not primarily sexual problems.
Rather they are indications or symptoms or the result of deeper problems in the marriage.
Jay Adams compares unresolved problems in the marriage in general to suitcases.
And he says that often what happens is that a couple has a lot of unresolved problems and conflicts.
And they carry these conflicts and problems around with them all during the day.
And then when they go to bed at night, they have to take the suitcases to bed with them.
And then they try to make love through the suitcases and it just doesn't work out.
And I think that's a picturesque way of getting an idea of what really has happened in many marriages where there is a lack of sexual adjustment.
Often sexual problems indicate that the husband and wife are not fulfilling their respective roles in marriage.
It may be an indication that the wife is not as submissive as she ought to be.
It may be an indication that the husband is not loving his wife as Christ loved the church.
And so when they come to bed, that lack of submissiveness comes with them.
Or when they come to bed, that lack of love in the total aspect also comes with them.
Or it may be that they're failing in the area of communication.
They're really not talking. They're really not sharing.
And so here are two strangers, as it were, going to bed together and trying to fulfill the most intimate act of marriage.
Or it may be that there are unresolved conflicts and disagreements and so they've fought and they've argued.
And even if they haven't, they know they disagree and there's a feeling of animosity.
There's anger, there's bitterness, there's hostility.
And then they come to bed.
And especially for the wife.
It's very difficult for her to put those unresolved conflicts and hostility and that bitterness out of her mind.
And it's very difficult for her to give herself to the man against whom she has some bitterness or hostility or with whom she is in disagreement.
And so many of the sexual problems that people have are really symptoms.
They're really indications that there's something wrong in other aspects of that marriage.
You see, we're a whole. You can't chop us up into parts.
And life is a whole. And what touches us in one area of our lives will affect us in another area of our lives.
And so you cannot expect to have good sexual adjustment if you're not properly adjusted in other areas of marriage.
But then, too, many of the sexual problems that people have are the result of no information or of misinformation.
I believe it's the responsibility of the home and of the church to teach a biblical view of sex.
But there are many homes where sex is never discussed.
Indeed, the impression is given that there's something unspiritual about discussing sex.
And so we just don't talk about that.
Every time the children ask a certain kind of question, the mother and dad blush and they hem and they haw, and the children get the message.
Sex is a matter we don't talk about. There's something dirty. There's something we just avoid when it comes to the matter of sex.
And what is true in some homes is also true in many churches. The subject of sex is very seldom if ever mentioned.
Now this is wrong because the Bible speaks very freely about sex.
The Bible contains much solid and candid information about the physical aspect of marriage.
In fact, it's generally agreed that the book of Song of Solomon was written primarily to show how husbands and wives should love each other in a physical way.
And I know of some husbands and wives who make it a practice to read frequently the book of the Song of Solomon before they engage in the marriage act.
Because it's a beautiful description of the way that a wife ought to relate to her husband in a physical way and of the way that a husband ought to relate to his wife in a physical way.
The Holy Spirit inspired that book. And that entire book is given over to a description of the physical aspect, the sexual aspect, if you will, of marriage.
And I believe that if married couples were instructed in a biblical view of sex, many of the problems that often occur in the sexual area would be avoided or else the couple would at least have some basis on which to solve their sexual problems.
Now today I want us to look at several Bible passages to discover some of the things that the Bible says about sexual adjustment in marriage.
And then I want to give you a few practical and pointed suggestions concerning sex in marriage.
First of all, turn to Genesis chapter 1 verses 27 and 28 and verse 31. Genesis 1 27 and 28 and verse 31.
And God created man in his own image. In the image of God he created him. Male and female he created them.
And God blessed them and God said to them, be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it.
And then dropping down to verse 31, and God saw all that he had made and behold it was very good.
Now these verses bring out the fact that sex was God's idea. Verse 27 says that God made them male and female. It didn't just happen.
It wasn't the result of blind chance, of blind evolution. God made them male and female. God gave them their different physical characteristics. He gave them their different sexual apparatus.
Verse 28 tells us that God commanded them to be fruitful and to multiply. Now this is a command first of all to have children.
And it indicates that if possible, husbands and wives should have children. But involved in the command to have children was also a command of sex relations.
Because that's the only way you have children. And so what we have here is a command by Almighty God that a husband and a wife should have sex relations.
Within the context of marriage, sex is not only not sinful, actually it is holy and it is sacred.
For verse 31 says God saw all that he had made, including man and woman, including the capacity to have sexual relations. He saw all that he had made and behold it was very good.
Hebrews 13, 4, speaking of the physical aspect of marriage says, marriage is honorable in all things and the bed is undefiled, but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.
Now he's saying there that the only time that sex is wrong is when it's committed between unmarried people, those are whoremongers, that's fornication, or between people who are married to someone else.
That's adultery. But in other cases it's not only legitimate, it's holy. Marriage is honorable in all things and the bed is undefiled.
I heard one man say, and this was a very well known Christian preacher, he said a man and a woman are just as spiritual when they're in bed performing the marriage act as they are when they're on their knees in prayer.
And I think he's right. Now that doesn't sit too well with us sometimes, but you think about it, in the Bible both acts are commanded. A man is commanded to pray, but there's a command also that a man should have relations with his wife.
And so it's just as spiritual if a man does it to the glory of God for a man to be in bed with his wife as it is for him to be on his knees in prayer.
There is absolutely no conflict between being spiritual and having good sexual relations with your wife. And sometimes people think there is. Well, if a man is interested in sexual relations with his wife he must be unspiritual, that's not so.
The very opposite may very well be true. And if he is a spiritual man, he'll want to have good relationships with his wife. Now the second passage I want us to look at is Genesis chapter 2 verses 22 through 25.
Now keep in mind that all of this is before the fall. All of this is before sin ever entered into the picture. The sexual relations between a man and a wife didn't come into the picture after man had sinned.
It was God's intention, it was God's purpose not only for sinful man, but also for sinless man. Genesis 2 verses 22 through 25.
Then the Lord God said, Behold the man has become, I'm over in chapter 3, excuse me. And the Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which he had taken from the man and brought her to the man.
And the man said, This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man. For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall plead to his wife and they shall become one flesh.
And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.
Now verse 24 describes what marriage involves. It says marriage first of all involves leaving your father and your mother. It involves separation.
And unless the father and mother have been left, marriage has not in a biblical sense taken place. It involves leaving the father and the mother.
That involves a physical leaving and primarily it involves a psychological or emotional leaving where your attachment and your dependence is not upon your parents any longer, it now shifts to your husband or it shifts to your wife.
Secondly, marriage according to the word of God involves cleaving. You separate from your parents and now the focus or center of your attention becomes someone else.
You see the focus of your attention primarily was parent centered, family centered. Now you turn away from that family unit and you begin to establish one of your own.
And now the center of your life from a human point of view becomes your wife or it becomes your husband and it involves attachment. The word cleaving I believe also suggests it involves commitment.
It's not a matter of feeling, it's a matter of commitment. I commit myself to that woman, I commit myself to that man regardless of what, in sickness, in health, poverty or wealth.
And then thirdly, scripture says that marriage involves becoming one flesh and the order is significant. You leave your father and your mother, you commit yourself to that man or to that woman and then having committed yourself you become one flesh.
Now this one flesh matter involves sharing everything. It means that nothing is kept back. There is openness, total openness, total sharing, total communion.
One flesh, not one and a half, but one flesh. And we think no longer in terms of I and you but in terms of we there is a fusion.
And this involves everything. If it involves everything it certainly involves the body, it certainly involves the physical aspect. It means certainly that we share our bodies.
It means that God's original purpose was that the husband should have access to the wife's body and the wife should have access to the husband's body. They have become one flesh.
Now 1 Corinthians 6 and verse 16 makes it clear that part of what God meant when he used the phrase one flesh was sexual relations.
1 Corinthians 16 speaks of the sexual relation and says God said the two shall become one flesh.
And Paul is saying that at least one of the things God meant when he said the two shall become one flesh is that they will perform the marriage act and they will be joined together in sexual relations.
According to the Bible the marriage act is more than a physical act. If it was only a physical act we'd be no different than the animals.
But according to the Bible the marriage act is an act of sharing where the wife opens herself and shares everything she has with the husband.
Where the husband opens himself and shares everything he has with the wife. It's symbolic of the whole relationship where nothing is held back.
Where the one lives and gives to the other and the other lives for the other and gives everything of himself to the other.
It's an act wherein the husband gives himself totally to his wife and the wife gives herself totally to the husband.
It's an act wherein they give themselves to each other in such a way that the two actually become one.
Genesis 4 and verse 1 says now Adam knew his wife Eve and she conceived and gave birth to Cain.
The New American Standard Version says now the man had relations with his wife Eve and she conceived and gave birth to Cain.
The King James says he knew his wife. The New American Standard Version says what that means is he had sexual relations with his wife.
So that there is something about the marriage act which reveals the wife to her husband and reveals the husband to the wife.
So that in this act they come to know each other. There is communion. There is communication in the marriage act that is on the deepest level.
And so we should never look upon the marriage act as merely a physical act.
The Bible says it's an act of communication where the husband knows his wife and where the wife knows her husband.
And so if the husband and wife are to come to know each other on the deepest level they should participate in the marriage act.
Now come back to Genesis 2 and verse 25 and notice one more thing in this passage.
The scripture says and the man and his wife were both naked and they were not ashamed.
Now again the nakedness of Adam and Eve involved much more than their bodies.
It means that there was nothing hidden. There was total openness. It means that there was no pretense between Adam and Eve.
There was an openness. They shared their fears if they had any. They didn't have anxiety at this time.
But it means they shared everything. There was no nakedness. There was no covering up between Adam and Eve.
But if it involved everything it involved their bodies. And what it means is that the husbands and wives should not be ashamed to expose their bodies to each other.
There's nothing sinful about a wife exposing her body to her husband. And there's nothing sinful about a husband exposing his body to his wife.
They were sinless and yet they were naked and they were not ashamed.
Now this verse can't be used to support public nudity because at that time Adam and Eve were the only two people on the earth and they were married.
But it can be used to support the fact that it is not sinful for husbands and wives to expose their bodies to one another.
Indeed it suggests that this ought to be done.
Now thirdly turn with me to Proverbs chapter 5 verses 15 through 20.
This entire passage has to do with the husband and wife relationship.
It's addressed primarily to the husband but what is said to the husband could also be said to the wife.
Drink water from your own cistern and fresh water from your own well.
Are you embarrassed by what we're reading and saying?
You shouldn't be. It's Bible. It's Bible.
And yet I find many Christian people are very touchy when it comes to this matter.
But God wasn't.
He says should your springs be dispersed abroad, streams of water in the streets, let them be yours alone and not for strangers with you.
Let your fountain be blessed and rejoice in the wife of your youth as a loving hind and a graceful doe.
Let her breast satisfy you at all times.
I was listening the other day to a tape by Jack Miller who's a professor at Westminster.
And he said many times the Puritans are criticized for being rather prudish.
But he said actually the prudish were really, he said, very lusty men.
He said it's the Victorian period during the 19th century where you get all of this prudishness.
But the Puritans spoke of drawing milk out of both of the breasts of the Bible.
The Old Testament and the New Testament.
And on one of the tombstones in New England where a Puritan was buried, there was this epitaph on his tombstone.
Here lies so and so that trusty old stud.
And we wouldn't use language like that.
But the Puritans did. And they didn't do it in a flippant, irreverent way.
They realized that sex was created by God and in the context of marriage it's a holy thing.
So that's what we have here.
He says let her breast satisfy you at all times.
Be exhilarated always with her love.
For why should you, my son, be exhilarated with an adulteress and embrace the bosom of a foreigner?
Now there's no question that what he's talking primarily about here is the marriage act.
We know that from what he says in verse 20.
Why should you, my son, be exhilarated with an adulteress and embrace the bosom of a foreigner?
So what he's saying in the previous verse has reference to the marriage act.
Now notice what this passage calls a man's wife.
In verse 15 she's called his sister.
Not his sister, but his sister.
That's what you are, women. You're your husband's sister.
Secondly, she's called his well.
And then in verse 18 she's called his fountain.
Now these verses suggest that a man's sexual desires are as legitimate as thirst for water.
What do you get out of a system? You get water.
What do you get out of a well? You get water.
What do you get out of a fountain? You get water.
When do you get it? You get it when you're thirsty.
And so what these verses are saying is that a man's sexual desires are just as legitimate as his thirst for water.
But what these verses are also saying is that when a man gets thirsty, he'd better be careful where he gets a drink.
He's to go to his own wife because she's his sister.
He's to go to his own wife because she's his well.
He's to go to his own wife because she is his fountain.
There's nothing sinful about the marriage act unless a man seeks to fulfill it outside of the marriage relationship.
Moreover, now listen to me.
This passage suggests that the marriage act should be fun.
The marriage act is not just for the purpose of procreation.
The marriage act should be fun.
And it's legitimate for a man to seek pleasure and a woman to seek pleasure
and to do whatever is legitimate to get that pleasure in the marriage act.
The verse says, let your fountain be blessed and rejoice in the wife of your youth.
The passage says, as a loving hind and a graceful dove, let her breast satisfy you at all times.
Now that says something. I'm not going to get into it. You interpret it for yourself.
Let her breast satisfy you at all.
That says something about what's legitimate in the marriage relationship.
And it also says, be exhilarated.
Don't just hold on.
No, the King James says, be ravished always with her love.
And it's talking primarily about sexual love.
And so, this verse and the fact that all of these verses have something to say about the marriage act.
Now I know of wives who think that their husbands are sex perverts
because they get excited about the marriage act.
And they kind of sit up on a pedestal and look down their noses and say,
Oh, you're not as spiritual as I am.
You're not as spiritual as I am.
You're some kind of a, you know, maybe they never say that, but they give that impression.
Something's wrong with you.
No, there's nothing wrong with them.
Because the Bible says that's exactly what a man ought to do about his wife.
If you have a husband that gets excited about you, you ought to thank God for it.
Instead of criticizing and condemning, and making him feel as though he's some kind of a weirdo.
The Bible says, rejoice with the wife of your youth.
Be exhilarated, be excited, be ravished, always with her love.
And don't go to fulfill that love to an adulteress.
But you go to your own fountain, to your own well, or to your own springs.
Now, I'm not going to take the time to look at the book of Song of Solomon in detail.
But in return, just for a few moments to the book of Song of Solomon,
I want to read a few things from this inspired account of the way a husband should love his wife,
and the way a wife should love her husband.
This is an inspired account.
God put it in his words.
And in chapter 1, listen to what a husband says about his wife, and God says it's okay.
There's no hint that there's anything wrong with this.
In chapter 1, verses 14 through 17, the husband said,
My beloved is to me a cluster of henna blossoms in the vineyards of En-Gedi.
How beautiful you are, my darling. How beautiful you are.
Your eyes are like doves. How handsome you are, my beloved, and so pleasant.
Indeed, our couch, our bed, is luxuriant.
The beams of our houses are cedars, our rafters, cypresses.
Now, go over to chapter 4 and verse 1 and see here what the husband has to say about his wife.
How beautiful you are, my darling. How beautiful you are.
Your eyes are like doves behind your veil. Your hair is like a flock of goats.
You have descended from Mount Gilead.
Your teeth are like a flock of newly-shorn ewes, which have come up from their washing,
all of which bear twins, and not one among them has lost their young.
Your lips are like a scarlet thread, and your mouth is lovely.
Your temples are like a slice of a pomegranate behind your veil.
Your neck is like the Tower of David, built with rows of stones, on which are hung a thousand shields,
all the round shields of the mighty men.
Your two breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle, which feed among the lilies until the cool of the day.
And then come down to verse 9.
You have made my heart beat faster, my sister, my bride.
You have made my heart beat faster with a single glance of your eyes.
How beautiful is your love, my sister, my bride.
How much better is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your oils, than all kinds of spices.
Your lips, my bride, drip honey.
Honey and milk are under your tongue, and the fragrance of your garments is like the fragrance of Lebanon.
A garden locked is my sister, my bride, and so forth and so on.
Read through the rest of the book for yourself.
Now, out of this, let me draw about four things.
First of all, the book of Song of Solomon teaches us that we should express our appreciation for our partner's physical appearance.
The bride, the wife, expresses her appreciation for her husband's body.
And then the husband turns and he expresses his appreciation for his wife's body.
That's legitimate.
Secondly, this book teaches us that we should do what we can to make ourselves attractive.
The wife says of her husband, you're beautiful.
And she describes what he's like, his clothes, and he uses good aftershave lotion.
She talks about the fragrance of her husband.
I don't know what they had in those days.
And then he turns and he says, you're really beautiful too.
And he says, your lips drip drop honey.
And he's describing the beauty of his wife, and that indicates that they had done something to make themselves attractive.
Keep yourself attractive. Don't become an old dishrag.
If your husband works out in the world, he sees women with short skirts, he sees women with tight dresses.
They're dressed fit to kill.
And their hair is fixed, and then he comes home to a disaster area.
Be careful of that.
When you husbands do the same, watch that four-day stubble or whatever, you know.
You're on a beer.
What I mean is, dress up.
You remember before you got married, you wanted to be beautiful for him.
And you wanted to be handsome, and so you often wore your best things and you kept your hair combed.
Well, never stop courting.
Never stop trying to please the other person.
Fix yourself up for them.
Make them know that they're really important to you.
And then you'll find that it'll be easy for them to express their appreciation.
Thirdly, Solomon teaches that we should greatly desire physical intimacy.
In chapter 4 and verse 9, the man says, you have made my heart beat faster, my sister, my bride.
And then, fourthly, it teaches that we should not be ashamed to expose ourselves to our partners.
Now, let's go over to 1 Corinthians 7, verses 2 through 5, and notice what this passage has to say about the physical aspect of marriage.
If you want to do some study on your own, study 1 Thessalonians 4, 3 through 5, another passage which deals with this aspect of marriage.
1 Corinthians 7, 2 through 5.
But because of immoralities, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.
Let the husband fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband.
The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does.
And likewise also, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.
Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time that you may devote yourselves to prayer and come together again,
lest Satan tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Very quickly, number 1, this passage teaches us that marriage is God's answer to sexual desire.
In verse 2, Paul says, because of immoralities, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.
And verse 9 says that if a man can't contain, he should get married.
And that tells us that the only legitimate way of fulfilling sexual desires is marriage. It's not masturbation.
And there are some Christian psychologists who tell us that there's nothing wrong with masturbation.
Now it's true that masturbation won't hurt a person physically, but it's still wrong in the sight of God.
Because God says if he can't contain, it doesn't say let him go out and manipulate himself.
It says if he can't contain, then let him get married.
The only, the only legitimate means of fulfilling sexual desire according to the word of God is marriage.
Now, if marriage is impossible at presently, then a young man or a young woman must learn self-control.
It means he or she must avoid those places and those circumstances which stir up his lust.
It means also that he's going to have to get a lot of exercise and tire himself out so much doing other things
that he's mentally and physically fatigued so that he doesn't think about immoral acts with women.
I know Jack Miller was saying in a tape that I heard, he was in Mexico and there was a young man there
who got up every morning at six o'clock and went out and ran and did various exercises.
And he asked him why he got up so early and went out to exercise.
And he said that one of the reasons he did that was because if he kept physically fit
and if he exercised frequently, he found that he had much less of a problem with fantasizing over sexual matters.
And so to keep himself pure, he exercised. And if you young fellows or young ladies were not married,
you're going to have to do that if you have a problem in this particular area.
There are ways of sublimating or substituting for sexual fulfillment.
Secondly, the husband and the wife have equal privileges when it comes to sex.
That's verses two and three.
Let each man have his own wife. Let each woman have her own husband.
Let the husband fulfill his duty to his wife and likewise also in the same manner to the same degree,
also the wife to her husband. You know, when it comes to sex, the ground is level.
There is no male, there is no female. Both of them, according to God, have equal privileges.
Thirdly, husbands and wives are responsible to fulfill each other's sexual needs, verses three and four.
If you're married to a man, it's your responsibility to fulfill his sexual needs.
If you're married to a woman, it's your responsibility to fulfill her sexual needs.
God says perform your duty.
And there are times when you're going to have to deny yourself.
But isn't that what Christianity is all about? Isn't that what it's all about?
Isn't it a matter of giving in and giving up for the sake of others,
of submitting ourselves to others, of fulfilling the needs of others even when we don't feel like it?
You understand what I'm saying?
You know what Paul says? Let each esteem others better than themselves.
Don't look at every man on his own interests, but every man on the interests and problems and needs of others.
And in the marriage relationship, if the husband needs the wife, if she's a Christian,
she ought to respond to that need even if she doesn't feel like it.
And the same thing is true as far as the husband with the wife.
And that leads me to say that neither the husband or the wife should refuse the other person's request.
Because verses 3 through 5 say the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does.
And you say that's going to lead to all kinds of excesses.
No, not if you do it right.
Not if you do it right.
God knows men. He made them.
And when a wife is of a meek and a quiet spirit and of a submissive spirit, the husband will bend over backwards,
not to offend her and not to push her too far.
But it's when he feels that she's fighting him and resisting him that he feels demeaned, he feels put down.
And so he pushes, he forces.
Whereas if she would exercise a more submissive spirit, she'd find that his desire and his demand would not be nearly as great.
And women and men have to trust the Lord in this matter.
Now, there are times obviously when abstinence should be employed in times of physical illness.
It would be inhumane for a man to force his wife or a woman to force her husband during times of pregnancy.
Or, as Paul says here in 1 Corinthians 7, if by mutual consent they agree that for spiritual purposes they won't engage in a sexual act,
then that's all right. But he says, only do it for a period of time.
Don't make it too long, he says. That's verse 5.
Now, sometimes people think that abstinence is a mark of spirituality.
You hear about the perpetual virginity of Mary.
But if Mary withheld her body from Joseph, she wasn't holy and sinless.
She was sinning because the Bible says that it's a responsibility of a wife to give herself to her husband.
And sometimes the most spiritual thing that you as a woman can do is to give in and satisfy your husband's needs,
even though you don't feel the need as acutely at that particular time.
And the reverse is true. Sometimes the husband, because he knows the wife is tremendously tired,
because his love for her will not force her. He'll say, honey, I love you.
And I love you not because of the marriage act.
And he abstains. You see, it's a two-way thing where the husband gives in and he tries to give in
and the wife tries to give in and meet each other in the middle.
And both of them should try to outdo each other in pleasing the other person.
Now, I'm not saying that every sexual desire should be satisfied, but I am saying that frequent refusal
or prolonged abstinence in a marriage relationship may be dangerous.
And Paul brings that out. He says, don't make your abstinence too long lest you be tempted
because of your lack of self-control.
Now, let me describe what often happens.
In some cases, the wife is very stingy in the area of sex, and it also happens sometimes
that the husband is very stingy, and I know of cases where that's true, that the problem is more with the husband
than it is with the wife. That's probably more exceptional.
But the wife is very stingy. She doesn't desire it as much.
She's not as easily aroused. And from the beginning, she makes it clear in one way or another,
and she doesn't say it with her mouth, but she makes it clear in one way or another
that she's doing him a great big favor.
She makes it clear that she's really not interested, and she makes him beg her.
He always initiates it. He always has to ask.
And when he asks, she often says, well, I'm really too tired.
Oh, I've got a terrible headache. I've got a backache.
And the kids have just been lousy today.
Oh, every now and then, she throws in a few crumbs and gives in, and she says tonight at 10.30.
You laugh, but that actually happens. I know of a case where that happened.
She scheduled her husband Tuesday night at 10.30.
That was two weeks before that Tuesday night.
That woman had no concern about her husband's needs.
In fact, she thought that he was some kind of a sex maniac.
He was less spiritual. She could get along without it.
And finally, after this goes on for a while, the man gives up.
He says, no, indeed. I'm not going to lose my manliness.
If that's the way she thinks of me, doesn't desire me any more than that, forget it.
And so he either abstains completely, and I know of men who have abstained for years because of this.
I know it happens.
Or if they don't abstain, they go elsewhere to find their satisfaction.
And if a man goes elsewhere, he's wrong. He's sinning.
But I want to tell you, his wife bears part of the blame, because the Bible says
she is to fulfill the needs of her husband, and she can enjoy sexual relations.
She can.
If she gets the right information, gets rid of the false guilt, the wrong kinds of fears, the wrong kinds of anxieties.
All right, now, very quickly, I want to give you some pointed and practical suggestions concerning the matter of sex in marriage.
Very quickly.
And we're running out of time, so this will really have to be quick.
First of all, develop a biblical attitude toward sex.
Many people have a totally unbiblical attitude toward sex.
And anything that's a reverse of what I've said is an unbiblical attitude toward sex.
This means that you must recognize that sex is not all there is to marriage.
I didn't want to give that impression that all there is to marriage is sex. It's only a part.
But we're dealing with sex so obviously it can get blown out of proportion.
This means that sexual desires are to be fulfilled within the context of marriage.
This means that we should not regard sexual desires as sinful.
This means that we must regard the marriage act as a deep form of sharing, as a means of communion, as a means of self-giving, as a means of serving the other person, as a means of expressing our love in a tangible way.
It means that the husbands and wives should seek to make themselves attracted to the other person and should rejoice when the other person is attracted.
It means that the husbands and wives should be more concerned about satisfying the other person than they are about being satisfied.
It's more blessed to give than to receive, and that's true in the marriage act as well as in anything else.
And your focus should not be upon what I'm going to get out of it, but I want to satisfy her. I want to satisfy him.
This means that you should approach the marriage act with anticipation and with abandonment.
Within the context of marriage, according to the Song of Solomon and according to other passage, anything is legitimate.
As long as it does not hurt the other person, and as long as it's mutually agreed upon within the context of marriage.
Secondly, not only must we get a Bible attitude toward sex, we must recognize the sexual differences between male and female.
And I believe here's where part of the problem is. Men do not understand their wives, and wives don't understand their husbands.
Wives don't understand that all men, or most men, I'm generalizing, most men are like him.
And if he's a sex fiend, so is everybody else. Men have a much greater problem with this than women.
They're more quickly aroused. They're aroused by sight. That's what Jesus was talking about in Matthew 5-28.
He was talking to the man. He said, don't you lust after a woman in your heart. Don't look upon her.
Why didn't he say that to a woman? Because a woman doesn't usually have that problem.
She's not aroused by sight, usually. You know what a woman's aroused by? She's aroused by kindness, kind acts, kind words, kind gestures.
A man is quickly aroused. He's at his peak very quickly. It takes time for a woman.
And unless a man arouses that, he can be a brute beast, and he can be the cause of his wife being turned off to the sex act.
And so, recognize the sexual difference between male and female, and if you want to talk more about that,
I'll be glad to talk to you in more specifics at some other time. Thirdly, discuss your sexual needs and desires freely.
Everything is to be shared. If you don't like something, tell him. If you do like something, tell him.
Your frustrations, your anxieties, your inhibitions, your fears, why? And all the rest.
Be free and open in this area. The man and the woman were naked, and they were not ashamed.
Genesis 2.25. And then, make the physical aspect of your marriage a matter of prayer.
Make it a matter of prayer. In all your ways, acknowledge him. In everything but sex? No, no.
Oh no. It says, in all your ways, acknowledge him, and he shall direct your past.
So, make your marital relations a matter of prayer. Some time ago, I heard a Christian doctor lecture on this subject,
and he said that since the thought that sex was a good gift of God, to be enjoyed by him and his wife had really gripped him.
He and his wife often pray before they have marital relations, and they ask God for his blessing on the marital relations.
And then, after they've had marital relations, they get down and they thank God for the good gift of God,
that they were able to do this to the glory of God, to share their love, to really love one another, and to commune with one another.
You see, they were Christians, and they wanted all of their lives to glorify God.
They wanted God's help in all that they did. Yes, God has given us many good things in life.
Among the best is marriage, and in marriage there is a sexual aspect, and even that can be used to the glory of God
if we trust in the Lord Jesus Christ and seek the help of his Holy Spirit.
May God help us to be good marriage partners.
Our Father, we thank you for the opportunity to look into your word concerning this important aspect of marriage.
We pray that you'd help us to learn from your word and to know how to implement it in our marriage relationships,
to thy praise and to thy glory. For Jesus Christ's sake, we pray. Amen.