Encouragement: Chapter Summaries
Chapter 10. Opportunities for Encouragement by Dr Larry Crabb
Our experience in Christian community is mixed - sometimes it is rich and deeply and
encouraging while other times our relating lacks depth and our conversations can feel
trivial. To address this issue Crabb makes two main points which he unpacks throughout this
chapter:
1. ‘Opportunities for encouragement will go unrecognised unless we consciously choose the goal
of ministry as we talk with people;’ (p94)
- our minds are like a mental tape that keeps playing and though ‘we may not be aware of
what we are telling ourselves at every given moment, the words that fill our minds control
much of what we do and feel’ (p95).
- this means we need to be aware of what we are telling ourselves and to actively identify
goals that we might have which are primarily about our own self-enhancement or selfprotection
(which Crabb labels manipulation) and replace them with the goal of ministry -
seeking the well-being of others.
- ie on a Sunday morning this may mean a movement from thinking about all sorts of
insecurities that we may have or the putting up of our own protective layers to deliberately
remind ourselves, ‘I know many people are burdened and hurting. To whom can I speak
with words of love and concern?’ (p96).
2. ‘Hidden opportunities for encouragement will surface as we express sensitive recognition of
potential needs’ (p94).
- Crabb points out that while many of us will be experiencing immediate concerns we really
make them publically known to those around us. Instead, in order to ‘avoid the criticism
and disapproval we fear’ (p98) that may result from exposing how we really feel we put up
socially acceptable masks.
- But these masks can isolate us and stop us from receiving the relational care and
acceptance we long for. ‘So we drop subtle clues about what is happening inside, looking
for some sign that our listener is attentive, sensitive, and accepting’ (p98) without making
ourselves fully vulnerable and risking exposing ourselves to some who is disinterested.
- This requires encouragers to learn the skill of ‘listening beneath words’ (p99) to discern
whether there may be a hidden need.
- The next step involves a sensitive listener responding with ‘words that convey an interest in
hearing more’ (p100) that both communicate your interest in what the speaker has to say
and that you will accept them regardless of what they say.
- The choice is between being what Crabb calls a ‘door closer’ which shuts off hope of
sharing at a deeper level or between a ‘door opener’ conveying a genuine concern and
interest in what the other person has to say.
Chapter 11. Responding to Opportunities
Many people are concerned that, once that have listened sensitively a • nd allowed someone
to reveal their struggles, they will be at a loss for words and not know how to address the
issues that have been raised. To help address this common concern Crabb unpacks three key
principles to help us:
1. ‘The essence of encouragement is exposure without rejection’ (p104)
- ‘At the core of our beings we all fear rejection, whatever form it takes’ (p104). Given
people’s fear of rejection encouragement is powerful because it conveys ‘acceptance to
an exposed person’ (p104-5).
- it is when people see us for who we are really are and what we’re really like and yet accept
and value us, even if their purpose is to correct us, we will be encouraged.
2. ‘Understanding is sometimes better than advice’ (p106)
- we often feel an unnecessary and self-imposed pressure to work out a solution for
another’s problems when often someone is ‘simply desiring to be understood and
accepted’ (p106).
- in some situations direct advice from biblical teaching may be required to help someone
resolve problems but the encourager need not feel pressure to do so. Perhaps an older,
more experienced Christian may be able to help. The ‘unique work of encouragement
is preparing people to take good advice more willingly by opening them up through
acceptance’ (p106) and understanding.
- above all the message of the encourager is ‘I hear you, I want to hear more from you, and I
believe you are a valuable human being’ (p107).
3. ‘The more precise the understanding, the more encouraging the words’ (p107)
- a third element of encouraging is speaking words that communicate awareness of another
person’s value.
- Crabb identifies our two greatest needs as love (a need for relationship) and purpose
( a need for meaning) which he also refers to as security and significance (p107). By
understanding these two core needs at the heart of every individual an encourager’s
words can show a greater understanding of someone else’s fears.
- practically an awareness of the need for security might mean being one person who
accepts and cares and perhaps pointing to the unchanging relationship and security
a believer has with the Lord. An awareness of one’s longing for significance might be
identifying the difference they have made in our own lives or the lives of others.
Encouragement The Key to Caring, Dr. Larry Crabb & Dr. Dan Allender, 1984, ZondervanPublishingHouse, USA